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December 14, 2005
This is your doctor, doctor professional.... (SM.AC 1)
......you've just been diagnosed with serious problems [HR Wiki]:
It burned when I urinated. I thought it was a one-time thing! But then it happened again. Should I just hope it goes away?
Sign me,
Burnin' in Boise
Note: This is the inaugural entry of SM.AC, a series of "advice column" (AC) posts based on actual questions from actual readers, who may or may not be telling the truth, and may or may not be blatantly misrepresenting who they are and what they actually think. Send your questions here.
Okay, look. This type of thing is indicative of a very serious medical problem. You need professional advice immediately. As in, not from me.
Also, disease is never funny.
Hoewver, I can tell you some things not to do:
- Don't use a new partner as your screening test. (Hi, honey, I had fun last night...what's that? Oh, yeah, of course we can go out on Friday....hey, listen, I was just wondering, um, did you notice anything strange this morning when you....what? Oh, no, no reason, it's just that, I mean, I was just curious.....)
- Don't wait to see if it gets better. Whatever it is, it's already kicked your immune system's butt.
- If you are diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease, don't beat yourself up.
If you're a guy, remind yourself of the following situation in Office Space:
Peter: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
In other words, why are you pretending to be surprised?
If you're a girl, remind yourself: whoever gave this to you was a huge asshole. Not that you were attracted to that very same blind self-confidence in the first place.
Readers not covered by the above explicit and implied categories, I apologize. I leave it in your own, ever capable hands to invent reasons why whatever happens to you is somebody else's fault. - Finally, DON'T write in for advice to a blog. Very, very bad idea. This can only end badly.
All the best, Burnin' in Boise. I hope all your medical and other problems are solved soon, and I wish you long life and good health.
Posted by David Richmond at December 14, 2005 10:44 AM EST
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